The Papal Conclave may have taken place an ocean away from American sports. It still provided a perfect opportunity for teams looking to sweep some bad news under the rug.
The Pittsburgh Pirates, a franchise historically accustomed to sweeps, took full advantage. Minutes after white smoke rose from the chimney at the Vatican, a team trapped in a never-ending cycle of futility under one of the worst owners in professional sports history took full advantage.
Manager Derek Shelton, backed by the power of a front office whose biggest free agent acquisition in five-plus years was one year and 0.4 wins against replacement (WAR) from reliever Aroldis Chapman, was fired in the space between the college of cardinals making its papal decision and the announcement of who it would be.
Fans should expect nothing less than the opportunistic nickel-and-diming that hangs over PNC Park like the pennants owner Bob Nutting will never know. In the last year alone the Pirates have released local favorite Rowdy Tellez four at-bats shy of a $200,000 bonus and removed a Roberto Clemente tribute from the wall that bears his name in favor of a booze ad. When given the chance to do something icky, Nutting’s team takes it.
Shelton was 305-410 as a manager, but his 41 percent win rate was more about Pittsburgh’s abject inability to build a winning roster than any of his own shortcomings. The 2025 team has a single player worth at least 1.0 WAR, per Baseball Reference. The Chicago Cubs, who currently lead the NL Central, have seven. The Cleveland Guardians, who rank 25th in payroll to Pittsburgh’s 27th, have three and are 22-15.
Regardless, Shelton is gone and one of the least desirable coaching jobs in professional sports is now open. Thanks to the Pirates’ timing, it’ll be a blip on the radar while we get off the rest of our conclave jokes.