Nursery managers nationwide are faced with incredible challenges day after day, navigating expectations that come from all sides. Fortunately, we do not do this alone as we work with others who all play a part in our provision for children. Indeed, our strength is our team, and without them, our role is obsolete. Establishing and working from our values is key to a successful team, as is having all our staff policies and procedures in place.
However, what sets a nursery apart is a manager, leader, or owner who embraces a coaching approach. This gives team members the opportunity to grow, to be empowered, and to develop a sense of ownership within the setting. Individual and group goals are identified and reached, and the staff team is enriched, motivated, and effective.
The concept of coaching is not often understood, so a brief definition from The Coaching Academy clarifies this:
‘It is about setting and achieving goals… a coach uses insightful questioning to help their clients identify the goals they want to achieve, recognise their current circumstances, consider all the options open to them, and choose which actions they will take within a defined timeframe.’
This series of articles examines three fundamental principles of coaching: listening, questioning, and setting actions. Understanding these elements is the first step in developing coaching skills which, when used well, will produce positive results in any team.
Coaching And Listening
When we think of listening, we often associate it with hearing. Hearing is accidental, involuntary, and effortless. While reading this article, you might hear background murmurs, passing cars, or barking dogs. In nursery rooms, you hear various sounds, and when it’s silent, we tend to worry! We spend much of the day in conversation, and as a manager, part of your role involves hearing your team, whether in the staff room, on the floor, or during meetings.
Listening is a different kettle of fish. Listening is focused, voluntary, and intentional. We actively engage with that person whilst we process what they are saying. We give them our full attention. The Very Well Mind website (www.verywellmind.com/what-is-active-listening) has a great definition:
“Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks. It’s about actively processing and seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them. It requires being a mindful and focused participant in the communication process.”
Formal meetings and informal situations both require listening. In either of these times, how often do you find yourself glazing over whilst a colleague rattles on? Or your mind is in the Tesco aisles, deciding what to get for dinner, whilst a room leader is recounting her difficulties with an issue for what seems to be the hundredth time that week? We can often give the impression we are listening when, in fact, whilst nodding and saying ‘ah-huh’, we are hearing white noise and thinking about something else entirely.
So, how do we do active listening? Some useful techniques to consider are set out below:
- Being fully present in the conversation
- Showing interest by practising good eye contact
- Noticing (and using) non-verbal cues
- Asking open-ended questions to encourage further responses
- Paraphrasing and reflecting back what has been said
- Listening to understand rather than to respond
- Withholding judgment
- Withholding advice
Listening is challenging. It demands focus and a willingness to invest time and energy, which can be difficult for a busy nursery manager or practitioner. During appraisals, supervision, or formal meetings, it’s essential to create the right environment for the best outcome. To achieve this, we must recognise the barriers that make effective listening more complex.
Barriers To Coaching And Active Listening
Barriers to active listening can be:
- Mental
- Physical
- Environmental
Mental barriers could be:
- Preconceived ideas/assumptions the coach has about the person
- The coach interrupting because they think something and want to express it
- The coach listening for their own interpretation rather than the meaning.
Physical barriers include:
- Furniture placement
- Hunger
- Headache
- Space between the coach and the other person
- Sense of time (wanting to move on)
- Being online or in person
Environmental barriers include:
- Too much noise
- Other conversations happening nearby
- Other distractions
- Being too hot or too cold
Physical and environmental barriers are the easiest to spot and fix. Ensuring these are optimised is the first step towards effective active listening. Privacy and confidentiality are also key factors when choosing the right setting for conversations.
However, mental barriers are more challenging. We shall look at each point separately.
Preconceived Ideas/Assumptions The coach Has About The Person
We are sometimes quick to stick with what we think we know about a person. Often, this is just hearsay, and we look at them through a smoky lens before we begin to listen. This means we formulate our response before we even start a conversation. We assume an outcome before the facts, and we negate any prospect of further growth or development.
The Coach Interrupting Because They Think Something And Want To Express It
If we are listening, we allow the other person to finish their sentences and have a breathing space between their talking and our response. It shows that we are actively and respectfully listening. Jumping in with our own opinions before thoughts are fully expressed tells the speaker that they are not as important as we are and that we know better.
Steven Covey, author of ”The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, says: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
The Coach Listening For Their Own Interpretation Rather Than The Meaning
Sometimes we have to dig a bit deeper and read other cues, such as body language, to understand more fully what the person is saying. Focusing on the speaker’s facial expressions and body movements, whilst keeping eye contact, helps us to discern their meaning and intent.
Finally, two of the coaching techniques previously mentioned are those of withholding judgment and advice. These are probably two of the hardest actions to do, yet they yield powerful results.
Withholding Judgement In Coaching
We all see life through our own filters, based on our own lived experience. However, as is noted under mental barriers that affect listening, preconceived ideas or assumptions about a person are not helpful. Whilst listening, we need to suspend judgement, allowing a neutral space for communication.
Giving Advice
As managers or leaders, we are often called on to give advice, or we offer it freely. However, in a coaching scenario, advice is not offered. Questions are asked by the coach that encourage the coachee to offer their own solutions and ideas. Asking questions and not giving advice is part of the coaching process that equips the coachee and moves them towards success.
We will examine how to ask good questions in the next article.
Meanwhile, take some time to assess your listening skills. Are you hearing or listening? Are you a mindful participant in a conversation? Are you jumping in with your ideas and thoughts, or are you creating a space for others to explore theirs? Are you listening with the intent to understand or with the intent to reply?
Often heard in our nurseries across the land is the question directed at children: “Are you doing good listening?” I wonder what our answer would be!
